I'm Doing Something Right!

Being a parent is hard, being a special parent is so much harder than I ever imagined.  There isn't a "how to" handbook, trust me I went looking...and even to this day, I stop in every cute little book store hoping to hit the jackpot.

During a time in my life, when I question EVERY parenting decision that I make, very rarely do I get validation that I am doing something right.....BUT last night I had the most heart warming experience and a cue that I am on the right path as a parent.

Every night before bed, we go through our night time ritual.  Since my two little ones share a room, some times things can get crazy...last night was one of those nights.  I tucked everyone in, read our story (a really cool mystery) and attempted to leave the room.  Experience shows that I must re-enter and leave about 10 more times before my day is done.....I NEVER get to just walk out and call it good.   Last night my 3yr old wanted water, then the night light reset (because it is on a timer) and then.....well you get my point. Every time he "needs" something else before he settles down to go to sleep, he doesn't realize he is confusing Maddy.  My Madster is always on a ticking clock though.  It is in her best interest, to stay on schedule and minimize the stimulation, because every time she gets off track she has a harder time regaining focus.  Boundaries are very important for her.

Back to last night....

I finally did my 9th "you better got to sleep".  The first few were because my little one had his nightly requests, but the last 6 were because Maddy wouldn't stop blowing raspberries.  She was blowing raspberries on her legs, arms, hands...anything that would create the loudest raspberries possible.  Meanwhile, my little guy started out saying "be quiet Maddy" and by trip 9 he was screaming "BBBEEEEEEE QQUUUIIIIIEEEEETTTTTT  MAAAAADDDDDDDDDDYYYYYY!"  Not a pleasant way to try to end the day.  So, after taking a deep breath and counting to 10, I grabbed my book and book light and headed into the room for what may be a LONG visit. My job at this point is to calm down the toddler, so that the overstimulation and reinforcing that was happening to my Maddy could be diverted to something calmer. 

As I crawl into his bed (much to his approval) I give him a hug and tell him that his job is to be a good role model.  He has to try to remain calm and try to ignore the raspberries.  At this point the sound is so irritating that it has the same feeling as nails on the chalk board......it has reached a "hysteria" kinda level.  I give him another hug and speak in soft whispers about how big he is and how he is a wonderful little brother.  After about 10 minutes the volume level has softened and Maddy is now trying to listen to our conversation.

At this point Franky said "I Love Maddy" but he was so caught up in the emotion that he was feeling that he was almost stuttering trying to find the words.  "I.....I......Love, I Love....M, I Love Maddy Mom".   He then said "I Love her, I miss her when she is at school".  I was rubbing his back as he tried his best to express how much love he has for his sister.

In a family where it would be easy to be lost in the shadows, or feel resentment.....My little guy expressed his most overwhelming love for his life.

THIS is what my Mothering has done.....I have nurtured love, even within frustration. 

I feel blessed.
 

Good Day and Optimism

Yesterday was an amazing day, especially after the week(end) that we had.  It was refreshing to have my kiddos wake up smiling and ready for the day.  Maddy even woke up ready to go...and not her typical "pull the covers back over her head scream session" that we typically get.  Most of the time when it starts out nice, it ends with a bang....isn't there an old saying "in like a lamb out like a lion"?....at our house it is more like, in like a lion out like a roaring lion...lol.

ALL of my kids were happy all day long.  The laughter and smiles were so welcome, that I sat basking in the happiness, trying to soak up every ounce because I never know when the tides will change.

We had a track meet yesterday.  Usually, when planning for a sports outing I have to cover EVERY possible base, just in case things turn bad and I need back up plan A, B or C.  Yesterday I planned for the worst and it worked out for the best :).  Those are rare moments around here.  Someone must have answered my prayers.

I am happy about things today, and these good times give me the energy to see past the recent gray skies, at the ray of sunshine poking its head out.

Being a parent of a special needs child can seem like a long and winding road.  Today though, I am only looking at my feet, taking one step at a time.  It is so much more manageable that way.

What Matters Most?

I was running through some old papers and this one stood out. I wonder if you will slow down or change course?

***

A few years ago, at the Seattle Special Olympics, nine contestants, all physically or mentally challenged, assembled at the starting line for the 100-yard dash. At the gun, they all started out, not exactly in a dash, but with a relish to run the race to the finish and win. All, that is, except one little boy who stumbled on the asphalt, tumbled over a couple of times, and began to cry. The other eight heard the boy cry. They slowed down and looked back. Then they all turned around and went back….every one of them One girl with Down’s Syndrome bent down and kissed him and said, “this will make it better.” Then all nine linked arms and walked together to the finish line. Everyone in the stadium stood, and the cheering went on for several minutes. People who where there are still telling the story. Why? Because deep down we know, that they know, the one thing that matters most in life. What matters in life is more than winning for ourselves, what matters in life is helping others win, even if it means slowing down and changing our course.

“A candle loses nothing by lighting another.” ~ Author Unknown

Counting My Blessings

You don't choose your family. They are God's gift to you, as you are to them. ~Desmond Tutu

Yesterday pretty much sucked. I think the emotional roller coaster that I felt was just because of the change of "season". The new schools, new moms to meet....new stuff bothers me. I like it much better living in my own little bubble. I know it sounds pretty funny, because if you know me, you are probably shaking your head right now in disagreement. BUT REALLY PEOPLE.....I am a HUGE chicken for new things.

BUT....

THAT WAS YESTERDAY. It is amazing how much things can change in one day. I woke up this morning and I had little reminders about how wonderful things really are! For as much chaos as we have in our day to day life, we are so blessed. I am so blessed. I thought I would share some of my blessings with you.

1. I am blessed to be married to my VERY best friend. We have been married for 10 amazing, wonderful and exciting years. He is a wonderful friend, husband and father. I think back to when we were dating and I can easily see how much we have grown....together. We are two of the same. It really is wonderful. I'm not crazy, we have our moments also....you know the ones I am talking about. The little fights that happen for trivial stuff. The ones that seem like big deals in the moment, but you probably won't remember them in a month. That is NORMAL....but, in the big picture....I am so very blessed to be married to one of the greatest men I have ever had the pleasure to know. He is my husband and best friend.

2. I am blessed to have a brilliant, beautiful and amazing daughter. My little "L" is magnificent. She is kind and understanding. She is patient and persistent. She is smart and beautiful. SHE IS DANGEROUS...LOL. That was the mom in me coming out. I watched her walk up to me the other day, in her casual, no big deal fashion, from across the school yard and I had this weird out of body experience. I looked at her and thought "look at that beauty, wow! When did she get so big?" She has a wisdom about her that amazes me and the time that we spend together is so remarkable. I look into her eyes and feel her passion for life. I listen to her speak and hear her humor and wisdom. I watch her help others when they struggle. I watch her help her sister learn how to play "hide-n-seek" in the cabinets. She is AMAZING and I am so grateful to have her as my daughter. I can not wait to see what life brings her.

3. I am blessed to have the very special and amazing gift from GOD Miss. "M". I watch her bring peace and happiness to EVERY person she meets. I watch her triumph over little challenges that she is faced with daily, but never complain about any of it. I think she is a beacon of light. She is wise and has taught me patience in a way that can not be described. She has taught me not to care about what others may think....it doesn't matter. I look at her and wonder why I was chosen to be the mother of someone so special. SHE is brave and daring, beautiful and modest, kind and patient, determined and happy......I feel honored to be part of her life path.

I AM BLESSED......

The family. We were a strange little band of characters trudging through life sharing diseases and toothpaste, coveting one another's desserts, hiding shampoo, borrowing money, locking each other out of our rooms, inflicting pain and kissing to heal it in the same instant, loving, laughing, defending, and trying to figure out the common thread that bound us all together.

~Erma Bombeck

#4 - Gratitude

"Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough and more." ~ Melody Beattie


This little quote is so true! I am grateful for all of the little things. Her are 2 more things that I am grateful for.

#4 I am grateful that I am a mother ~ I am grateful for the fact that moms have a special kiss that can make most things better. I am grateful for the hugs, smiles and kisses that I get from my kids!! There really isn't anything more that I need (well except my wonderful hubby). I am grateful for my kids.

What are you GRATEFUL for??

My 7 year old daughter came home on Monday, with a very fun project that she had to do. Her teacher told her to come up with 5 things that she is grateful for. HMMM...I was intrigued as a mom to see what SHE was grateful for...so I didn't say anything and sat back to let her explain her whole project.....Let me explain a little bit about her....she is 7 going on about 15, very intelligent and thinks that I either don't know anything or don't understand anything that she says to me. I know she is probably just like every other kid out there, but I really thought that she "wouldn't know everything" until she was at least a teenager - WRONG!! The wars have already begun.

Back to her project, she told me in detail about what her teacher expected from her and how exactly she was going to do it. I said "have you figured out what you are grateful for yet?" She smiled and said "SURE, I am grateful for my family, because without them I wouldn't know love. I am grateful for food and water because with out food or water we would starve and die, and water helps us cool off in the summer. I am thankful for school because if we did not have school, we would not be smart and we would not be able to meet new friends. I am thankful for my sister, because I love her and she is fun to play with. And, I am thankful for warm clothes to wear when it is cold." I listened very carefully to her very simple but compelling list of 5 things that she was grateful for and realized that I MUST BE DOING SOMETHING right! She didn't say that she was thankful for a video game or candy. She didn't say that she was thankful for toys or "stuff"...she was really thankful for ALL the things that I would have had on my list.

That got me thinking of a time that I said THANKS....My youngest daughter has some very unique challenges and early on in her life she couldn't walk. We had to go through some very intense Physical Therapy, along with Speech Therapy, Occupational Therapy AND we had a Child Development Specialist that worked with her as well. After a couple of years, these wonderful people helped my little girl learn to walk...first in a walker, then with leg braces and finally with out any assistance. How could I ever possibly show my gratitude to these wonderful people? I help people publish their own personal stories all the time, so I thought I would publish a "How Do I Say Thank You?" story just for them. It told how each person has touched my daughters life with their own personal magical touch and how we would not be where we are with out them. We gave it to them at Christmas time and watched their eyes fill with tears as they read their story. It is amazing to me that I still see that "Thank You" book on their desks and in their living room, even after a few years have gone by.

GRATITUDE UNLOCKS THE FULLNESS OF LIFE. IT TURNS WHAT WE HAVE INTO ENOUGH AND MORE. ~ Melody Beattie.

So, let me ask you.....What 5 things are YOU grateful for this year?