Wednesday, October 3, 2007

We Made It!!!

Well, today was the day, we had our MRI. We survived it. It was a very long day that was full of stress but everyone made it ok. My little one is a little shaky and can't really walk right now because of the anesthesia but I am so relieved that I have given myself a headache.

We started out our day at about 8:30am driving about an hour to the hospital. Once we were admitted we had the anesthesia pre-op and that took about 30 minutes. After the pre-op they gave my little one some medication that started to make her "relaxed". I noticed that her speech, what little she has, was very slurred and very hard for her to get out. After being observed for about 20 minutes I was escorted out. I'm pretty sure that I was OK up until this moment. Once the nurse took me out of the MRI room, she told me that it was going to take about an hour and that I could go to the cafeteria for about 30 minutes. After that, I need to be in the waiting room, just in case they need me.

I went to the cafeteria and had a hot dog, but felt guilty because my little one hadn't eaten since 6pm last night. It was now about 11:30 and I was starving. Part of me thought that I need to wait to eat until she can eat that way she isn't going through it alone and then the other part of me thought....well If she comes out of sedation starving I will never get to feed myself because I will be taking care of her. (Some times mom needs to remember that it is OK to take care of herself first). After I ate a hot dog in about 5 minutes, I went back to the waiting room just in case they came looking for me. I waited and waited......then the sirens and lights went off....CODE RED! CODE RED!! I panicked...this was about the point that my little one was supposed to come out of sedation. Had something gone horribly wrong? What the hell.......CODE RED! CODE RED!!....ok where were all of the running doctors? No one was running into the MRI room....where was everyone? CODE RED DRILL OVER! It was a DRILL!!! I almost had a heart attack over a hospital drill?! Then I continued to wait for someone to come get me. Remember it was only supposed to take 1 hour....well it has now been 1.5 hours and I was now pacing the room. What the hell? Don't they know I am waiting for them? How is my baby? THAT'S IT, I'M GOING TO FIND OUT! I went into the MRI check-in booth and inquired with the receptionist. She said Ma'am your daughter is OK and they are coming to get you now, she is in recovery. WHEW! The relief alone is enough to make me cry. I headed up to recovery and found my little angle asleep with an oxygen mask on and all of the machines hooked up to her. I sat beside her for about 2 hours until she woke up and was able to keep down some apple juice. Then they let us go home.

Thank God that we are home safe again! Thank God that we made it with out any problems! Thank God!

A Special Moment

Yesterday I had to pop into my daughter's preschool class. When I went in it took a minute before the kids knew I was there and then it was complete class disruption. My little M saw me and said "MaMa" which is a delight in its own because for as long as my daughter could talk she has been saying "PaPa" for her daddy. It took her until she was about 3 years old before she could actually say MaMa intentionally. Well, today when I went and disrupted her class she got out of circle time and came over to me, I was a little preoccupied writing a check for pictures, and gave me a KISS!!! She has never before walked up to me and kissed me! My heart filled with such joy! I think it would probably be hard for someone not in my position to fully grasp what a wonderful thing it is to have your 3.5 year old give you an unexpected kiss. I no longer take for granted the little things, every little thing is a big accomplishment.

I LOVE my daughter.

Monday, October 1, 2007

The twinkle in her eyes...

Have you ever looked into eyes of a child and seen the universe? Maybe everyone has experienced that I'm not sure, but my little one holds the key. When I look into her eyes it is like seeing thousands of twinkling stars shining so brightly that you can't look away. Her eyes smile. My little M doesn't talk, she uses sign language, but sometimes when you look into her eyes you can almost hold a conversation. There is a purity to her that can't be denied. Sometimes when I look into her eyes I think I see straight into heaven.

Thank you God for sending me such a special little gift. She is my purpose, my joy, my love and my inspiration.

Anxiety for the MRI

Ok, so Wed. we are having another MRI. This totally sucks. Friday we saw our Pediatrician and let me tell you, it was quite a visit. It was supposed to be just another pre-0p for him (is your child sick - no, has she had any congestion - no....bla bla bla), it was supposed to take a whole 15minutes tops. An hour later and half a box of tissue I walked out of his office. Sometimes when you have a really great doctor they can make everything seem better, even if it really isn't. I asked him if I was keeping him from his other patients, in between tears and his response was "don't worry about it, they can wait, your are the one who really needs me right now"! It was really comforting. He reminded me that a child reaches their weakest point for seizures at 3 years old and then their resistance starts to go up from there. After he told me that, I remembered that our Neurologist had mentioned that to me, but really in my crisis moments I do not think of those things. I actually felt a little more reassured.

Now I am supposed to watch my little one and make sure that she doesn't get sick or congested. I know I am freaking myself out but my husband was sick all weekend. I had to quarantine him into the back of the house.

I'm not sure if you know or not but when a sick little child gets an MRI it is VERY serious. They have to be completely put under in order to keep them from moving. The risk of putting a sick child under is taken so serious that they have all sorts of specialists on hand just in case they can't wake up your child. Meanwhile the parents are waiting in the waiting room hoping and praying that nothing will go wrong. It is nerve wracking and excruciating to say the least. Then they wake up your child....there is crying and observations that take place. Can you child keep down fluids, are they showing any side effects.....UGH. Not to mention the starving that takes place prior to the MRI.

I know I am probably over reacting, but the things that go through my head could drive me CRAZY.