Monday, February 11, 2013


It is interesting how life plays out. Last year I went back to work full time, outside of my office at home, which as been a very hard transition.  For some reason today, I stumbled upon my blog, which I haven't written in ages.  If you are a parent of a special needs child, or any child for that matter, you probably understand how EXHAUSTING it can be at times and it seems like the last almost 2 years have been that way.  If you read some of my other blog posts, you know that I had my 3rd child in 2011 and since then, life has been speeding along in such an exhausting way, that I just have to hold on sometimes. 

As a working mom, do any of you feel that "tug-o-war" in your soul?  I do.  I feel like as a mom, my first and foremost responsibility is to my children, but when you are a working mom, that expectation is expected to change slightly.  I work in a predominately "Man" driven industry, in fact I am the only woman at my company doing what I do.  An honor that I wear with pride.  I LOVE my job and what I do, but my struggle is that I am a MOM first and an associate second.  My associates on the other hand are husbands and associates....They don't have to worry about children, laundry, dishes, dinner, lunches, breakfast, diapers, doctor appointments, therapies....and so on....and so on.... because they have a wife at home taking care of all those items.  I know......I chose my position, and I am very, very, happy doing my job....but "tug-o-war" deep within rages on.....

Today I went to work, well, I didn't quite make it in, because my I received a call that my daughter began throwing up all over the place.  Once I was home, taking care of her, I reflected upon this mornings activities and I was heavy hearted knowing that I KNEW something was wrong this morning.  My daughters mannerisms were off just enough that I had a feeling to keep her home from school today.  She doesn't speak, so I am constantly "mind reading" her behavior, body language and anything thing else I can observe.  I didn't keep her home because I had a very important meeting....and now, I feel terrible that my priorities got mixed up today....UGH.

I wish I had a manual that I could follow it and know what to do......

Well, until my next moment, take care of your family and KEEP your priorities straight.