Thursday, October 13, 2011

Beautiful and Special Moment

I know I say this all of the time, but, I REALLY do mean to blog more....I just don't have the extra time. 

Well, we did it!  We made it through 9 months of worry.  Some of it public, most of it private but ALL of it was VERY stressful.  It is not something that I could explain with words really.  If you have a special needs child and had a child after that, then maybe you would understand; BUT even then, each case is so different that we all deal with it in our own way....

Imagine for a moment, getting pregnant. 

The joy that is supposed encompass you, is straddled by the reality of "WHAT MIGHT HAPPEN".  Ignorance is gone, the cold hard truth about could possibly happen sits plainly in front of you, staring you in the eye.  There isn't a reason for our past difficulties, it wouldn't have shown up on any tests, the doctors have called us a medical mystery.....AND now the VERY REAL chance that it could happen again, is placed upon our shoulders and seat belted in for the 9 months that are coming.  It is stressful to say the least.

After every test, positive comments from others, positive thinking and trying to keep from going crazy with the "what might happens".......WE entered the delivery room ready for what was in store.

My husband and I are best friends, thank goodness, because if I had to walk this path alone, I am not sure I could survive.  We went into the labor and delivery room and in each other's eyes, there was a secret language being spoken that no one in the room could understand.  It was hidden behind the smiles of each other, but we both knew it was there.  Right before the baby was born, during a "heated" discussion with the other family members in the room, we decided that we didn't want anyone in the delivery room with us when our baby was born.  As hard as it is for everyone else to understand, this was not meant to be a punishment on them, it was a decision we made for us.  Neither one of us had enough strength, to make it through the delivery with anything other than each other to worry about.  We already went through one birth that was stressful.  Our daughter was born not breathing, and if that was to happen again, we did not want to worry about grandparents gasping or panicking.  WE just wanted to be together without any other outside influences.....

So the moment came, and our baby boy was born.  He was placed in my arms and my husband and I bawled.  OUR BABY WAS BEAUTIFUL, PERFECT and BREATHING!!!!!!  We both looked at our baby and each other and cried.  We cried because everything was fine and after 9 months of stress and worry, it was OK to let go of the fear that has secretly been pressing down on our chests. 

Our baby is beautiful.