Tuesday, November 23, 2010

A Little Bit of BRILLIANCE!


BRILLIANCE:  extreme brightness or radiance; imposing splendor or magnificence

I have never really thought of myself as a writer, and I guess this blog proves it.  I always think about writing, believe it or not, but most of the time I am keeping up with the little time passers that make life so interesting.  I really do wish I was a better writer, but I am not….I am too busy playing MOM :)…I am a good mom so that probably makes me feel a little bit better about the fact that I am not great at everything else.

Today I watched the movie Eat, Pray, Love and it got me thinking.  How many people do you think have watched that movie wanted to order a pizza and build a meditation room, LOL.  Although the movie reminded me of someone very close to me, I can’t believe that I finished the movie with an abstract plan about how to start meditating.  IF ONLY I HAD MORE TIME.

The funny thing is, a few minutes later my kids were running through the house playing tag with the dogs.  I have to admit I haven’t ever experienced the game quite like this.  My oldest had a friend staying the night and my youngest doesn’t get the rules of the game very well, so the girls all decided to include the dogs. I think they figured it would make the game a little more fun.  The dogs thought it was GREAT, running though the house wagging their tails and tagging people.  I watched them all giggle and play together and it made me smile. 

Some days being a Mom is hard work, other days it is just plain daunting.  A Mom of a special needs daughter, has moments that just break you down to the core and ask, “why do kids have to go through this?”……Other days life has a BRILLIANCE that can not be expressed in words and you are touched deep into your soul, and for just a moment…..EVERYTHING IS PERFECT!  Today is a Brilliant day.  Who knows what will happen tomorrow, but for now I am radiating love and happiness from the inside out.


“You know how when she looks at you; she reaches deep into your soul and just makes you happy” ~ My daughter talking about her sister

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

The struggles of a Special Parent

This week has been rough!  My girl started kindergarten and I am not sure I like her new class.  Actually, I think I am being a little moody and irrational right now, but sometimes I am allowed to breakdown……I am ONLY HUMAN.  Yesterday, was a terrible day.  Thank goodness for DAD’s!  I called my dad and unloaded all of my PITTY PARTY luggage onto him, thank goodness he doesn’t hold onto any of it.  In fact, it was refreshing to have him laughing at some of the stuff I was telling him. 

It made me feel a little better to know that HE wasn’t as upset as I was, (and God knows I was upset) about all of the crap that I was sharing with him. 

Sometimes, as a special parent, it feels very lonely.  I don’t really want to share what is going on inside of me, in fear that people won’t understand (which in all actuality THEY WON’T).  I don’t like to overload my hubby either, which in turn means that I deal with “it” and keep moving on to the next obstacle.  THIS MAKES FOR A PRETTY LONELY FEELING SOMETIMES.  Every once in a while, I build up enough pressure to erupt Mt. Shasta and BOOOOOMMMM!!!  I EXPLODE.  Thank goodness my dad was home……he allowed me to explode on him, made me feel better and ultimately he got me laughing at the end of the conversation. 

I wish things were different sometimes….is that wrong?  I love my life and MY LITTLE LADY, but there are times that I ask myself WHY.  AND, when I look into the deep dark tunnel of the future sometimes, I wonder how in the hell I am going to do this for the rest of my life.  AND….when my life is over…..who is going to protect my little girl? 

THAT THOUGHT ALONE is enough to make me cry. 

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Some Mothers Chosen By God


Most women become mothers by accident, some by choice, a few by social pressures and a couple by habit.

This year, nearly 100,000 women will become mothers of handicapped children.

Did you ever wonder how mothers of handicapped children are chosen?

Somehow, I visualize God hovering over earth selecting His instruments for propagation with great care and deliberation.
As He observes, He instructs His angels to make notes in a giant ledger.

"Armstrong, Beth, son. Patron saint, Matthew.
"Forrest, Marjorie, daughter. Patron saint, Cecelia.
"Rudledge, Carrie, twins. Patron saint… give her Gerard, He's used to profanity."

Finally, He passes a name to an angel and smiles, "Give her a handicapped child."

The angel is curious. "Why this one, God? She's so happy."
"Exactly," smiles God. "Could I give a handicapped child a mother who does not know laughter? That would be cruel."
"But has she patience?" asks the angel.
"I don't want her to have too much patience or she will drown in a sea of self-pity and despair. Once the shock and resentment wears off, she'll handle it."
"I watched her today. She has that feeling of self and independence that is so rare and so necessary in a mother. You see, the child I'm going to give her has his own world and that's not going to be easy."
"But Lord, I don't think she even believes in you."
God smiles. "No matter. I can fix that. This one is perfect. She has just enough selfishness."

The angel gasps, "Selfishness? Is that a virtue?"

God nods. "If she can't separate herself from the child occasionally, she'll never survive. Yes, here is a woman whom I will bless with a child who is less than perfect. She doesn't realize it yet, but she is to be envied. She will never take for granted a 'spoken word.' She will never consider a 'step' ordinary."

"When her child says 'Momma' for the first time, she will be present at a miracle and know it! When she describes a tree or sunset to her blind child, she will see it as few people ever see my creations."
"I will permit her to see clearly the things I see… ignorance, cruelty, prejudice… and allow her to rise above them. She will never be alone. I will be at her side every minute of every day of her life because she is doing my work as surely as she is here by my side."

"And what about her patron saint" asks the angel, his pen poised in mid-air.

God smiles. "A mirror will suffice."

Written by Erma Bombeck

Tuesday, June 1, 2010

High Fever = No Sleep for Mom…

This weekend was a fantastic weekend (we went camping)!  I love watching my little one roam without all of the restrictions.  She gets to take her own little adventures without the worry of cars, hazards or anything else.  She gets to ride her bike….which is pretty awesome because the “experts” didn’t even think it was going to be a possibility….not anytime soon. 

We ended this weekend by contracting a flu bug…UGH…I hate it when my little one gets the flu.  A high fever in my house means seizures, worry and no sleep.  I think my little one had about 30+ seizures last night, it is hard to count when I am in a state of delirium from lack of sleep…not to mention the couch isn’t very inviting when sharing it with a 6yr old.  At one point she even kicked me in the face while she was having a seizure.  It is absolutely heart breaking to watch her seizures….it is even more heart breaking when the seizure if over and she comes back to reality….sees me hovering over her, holding her hand and…..she smiles and says “MAMA”….one of the only words she know how to say.  It is as if she is telling me it is alright, but I can’t say that it makes me handle it any easier.  It does make me smile deep inside, because it shows me how strong my angel is and it is a simple reminder about what is important.

Right now she is still asleep….I hope this flu bug passes quickly….

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

The Potty Training PROCESS!!!

When was the last time that you had to potty train your little one?  For me it has been quite awhile ago.  My oldest was potty trained before she was three.  Potty training my little M has been quite the process!!!  AND I MEAN THAT WITH ALL MY HEART! 

We started our venture about a year an a half ago….YES…I said 1.5yrs ago.  UGH..it has been a long time.  For those of you that have a special needs child you know that the typical “potty training rules” do not apply to us.  I can’t bribe my daughter to use the toilet, I can’t punish her for not using the toilet.  I can’t yell or threaten or say “THE NEXT TIME YOU PEE YOUR PANTS I’M GONNA…”….NONE of that will help.  The only thing that REALLY helps is positive reinforcement…..have YOU ever tried to stay positive for a year?  IT IS HARD!

I met with a behavioral specialist at the beginning and she prepped me for this long hard journey…….little did I know then….BOY WAS I GONNA NEED IT!  She was fantastic though.  She taught me the basic teaching techniques and they are pretty simple.  Putting them into action has been the hard part.  BEING CONSISTANT….When you are a mom, you are most often RUN DOWN…..doing all of the little life things that make the world turn around.  When  you are in potty training mode…..EVERYTHING CHANGES…..

I have LIVED in our bathroom for the past year.  I am not even kidding!  I practically have a bed in there. 

It makes for some pretty interesting, gross, funny stories though!

here is one….

One day, while working on a big fundraising campaign, I got a call from the local news paper!  A reporter wanted to interview me….I WAS SO EXCITED.  In the background my kids were playing and running through the house…nothing new right?  WHEN ALL OF A SUDDEN….I hear….

MMMMOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMM!!!!  It was my 9yr old, she would only yell like that if something WAS REALLY WRONG.  Trying to remain composed, while answering this reporters questions, I followed the yelling…..

I get to my daughters room, with a finger up to my lips giving the universal sign for SSSSHHHH……and she said quite loud “EEEEWWWWWW!  THAT IS POOP!” (sorry I know that is gross).  I followed her eyes and saw the disastrous mess! Panicking, and keeping up with the reporters questions (because, I couldn’t very well tell they guy that my potty training child has struck again) I picked her up by the arms and took her into the bathroom, stripped her down and hosed her off….all the while, never skipping a beat with the interview……

The interview ended about the same time that our impromptu shower did…AND I STARTED LAUGHING!  Probably a little hysterically…because my oldest said “mom are you alright?”.  I realized then that it really takes a SPECIAL Person to be a mom to a SPECIAL child.  We never let our challenges stop us, they just make us change directions.  Life, as I know it, is NEVER boring!

…the next day, I got the paper and my interview was in it…and I didn’t do to bad.  I am sure the reporter heard the chaos in the background, but never asked if everything was ok…THANK GOODNESS, because in the moment, I am not sure what my answer would have been….