Wednesday, October 1, 2014

I'm Doing Something Right!

Being a parent is hard, being a special parent is so much harder than I ever imagined.  There isn't a "how to" handbook, trust me I went looking...and even to this day, I stop in every cute little book store hoping to hit the jackpot.

During a time in my life, when I question EVERY parenting decision that I make, very rarely do I get validation that I am doing something right.....BUT last night I had the most heart warming experience and a cue that I am on the right path as a parent.

Every night before bed, we go through our night time ritual.  Since my two little ones share a room, some times things can get crazy...last night was one of those nights.  I tucked everyone in, read our story (a really cool mystery) and attempted to leave the room.  Experience shows that I must re-enter and leave about 10 more times before my day is done.....I NEVER get to just walk out and call it good.   Last night my 3yr old wanted water, then the night light reset (because it is on a timer) and then.....well you get my point. Every time he "needs" something else before he settles down to go to sleep, he doesn't realize he is confusing Maddy.  My Madster is always on a ticking clock though.  It is in her best interest, to stay on schedule and minimize the stimulation, because every time she gets off track she has a harder time regaining focus.  Boundaries are very important for her.

Back to last night....

I finally did my 9th "you better got to sleep".  The first few were because my little one had his nightly requests, but the last 6 were because Maddy wouldn't stop blowing raspberries.  She was blowing raspberries on her legs, arms, hands...anything that would create the loudest raspberries possible.  Meanwhile, my little guy started out saying "be quiet Maddy" and by trip 9 he was screaming "BBBEEEEEEE QQUUUIIIIIEEEEETTTTTT  MAAAAADDDDDDDDDDYYYYYY!"  Not a pleasant way to try to end the day.  So, after taking a deep breath and counting to 10, I grabbed my book and book light and headed into the room for what may be a LONG visit. My job at this point is to calm down the toddler, so that the overstimulation and reinforcing that was happening to my Maddy could be diverted to something calmer. 

As I crawl into his bed (much to his approval) I give him a hug and tell him that his job is to be a good role model.  He has to try to remain calm and try to ignore the raspberries.  At this point the sound is so irritating that it has the same feeling as nails on the chalk has reached a "hysteria" kinda level.  I give him another hug and speak in soft whispers about how big he is and how he is a wonderful little brother.  After about 10 minutes the volume level has softened and Maddy is now trying to listen to our conversation.

At this point Franky said "I Love Maddy" but he was so caught up in the emotion that he was feeling that he was almost stuttering trying to find the words.  "I.....I......Love, I Love....M, I Love Maddy Mom".   He then said "I Love her, I miss her when she is at school".  I was rubbing his back as he tried his best to express how much love he has for his sister.

In a family where it would be easy to be lost in the shadows, or feel resentment.....My little guy expressed his most overwhelming love for his life.

THIS is what my Mothering has done.....I have nurtured love, even within frustration. 

I feel blessed.