In the beginning

I have decided to start a blog and like most people that are new to the blogging world, I will start by saying that I am new and probably not very good. I promise to get better though!

How many of you have a child with special needs or know someone who has a special needs child? Not sure what I mean by "special needs child"... Well let's see...that could really mean anything. Does your child have motor delays, physical challenges, health issues...etc.? If you answered yes to any of these it probably means that you know what I am talking about. If you don't know just keep reading and you will have a pretty good understanding of what it is all about.

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I have a daughter with special needs, she is a little over three and has seizures, gross motor delays, fine motor delays and doesn't talk yet, which means that she has speech delays. We have been through every test that you can imagine (would never wish your child to go through) and do not have a diagnosis. It totally sucks! She is truly fantastic and works harder on things that most people take for granted and doesn't complain a bit. I have to push her everyday through physical therapy, occupational therapy, speech therapy and child development classes. As a parent I feel it is my duty to give my little one every possible opportunity to do and be all that she can be. Sometimes I just sit back and ask myself why does it have to be like this. Why does my baby have to go through so much already?

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When my little one was born, she was born not breathing. The doctors put her on my belly and I looked at her and saw that she was blue and not crying yet...I panicked and said "why isn't she crying?" The doctors and nurses rushed her off and started to work frantically on her. My husband and I just sat there holding our breath. Could you imagine? Here you have a new born baby lying on a metal table with bright white lights shining all around, about 10 nurses and doctors all around, each doing their small part to figure out what is going on. My heart stopped beating, I held my breath, my eyes filled with tears and all I could hear where the medical jargon going on across the room. What an absolutely horrible 3 minutes. Yes, it took 3 minutes for her to start breathing. The doctors didn't know why she wasn't breathing, they said maybe it was the shock of birth. Have you ever heard of such a thing? All I could do was take the doctors for their word and hope that they knew what they were talking about. Then the "normal" new baby stuff took place. Well, as normal as you can get after being in absolute panic and shock. The doctors went on about their business as it nothing ever happened. After we got put into our mommy and baby room we waited for the hours to pass, getting to know each other, so that after 24 hours we could go home. The only problem was, things weren't normal. After about 7 hours we had these bouts where she would go "dusky grey" and stop breathing. I was the only one who saw these things because by the time the nurse came she was normal again. UGH!! I thought I was going crazy. It continued to happen every so often and after each episode the doctors would start our 24hr clock over. You see we had to go 24hrs with out an episode before they would release my daughter from the hospital. We would go 7 hours then we would make it 12 hours... and then we had our first "seizure".

My little baby was in my arms nursing, wires were attached to her arm and an IV in the other arm (this is something that no infant should ever have to go through)! She had been nursing for about 10 minutes when all of a sudden she started to convulse. Talk about guilt complex! I thought it was me that gave her the seizure. The doctors ran from all corners of the room to see what was going on. That is when the tests began. We were rushed off for a CAT scan, then spinal tap, EEG, EKG, every possible blood test....but no explanation. Then we were rushed off to the NICU (Neonatal Intensive Care Unit) in a different hospital where they specialize in children. My little baby was put into an incubator and strapped down. They took pictures of her and gave them to me so that when I got to our new hospital, they would let me see her (basically this was my proof that I was Mom), because I wasn't allowed to ride in the ambulance with her. Imagine for a moment how lonely it would be for both me and my baby. After she was taken from me, with tears streaming down my cheeks, we ventured off for the 3 hour ride to the new hospital....