I'm Doing Something Right!

Being a parent is hard, being a special parent is so much harder than I ever imagined.  There isn't a "how to" handbook, trust me I went looking...and even to this day, I stop in every cute little book store hoping to hit the jackpot.

During a time in my life, when I question EVERY parenting decision that I make, very rarely do I get validation that I am doing something right.....BUT last night I had the most heart warming experience and a cue that I am on the right path as a parent.

Every night before bed, we go through our night time ritual.  Since my two little ones share a room, some times things can get crazy...last night was one of those nights.  I tucked everyone in, read our story (a really cool mystery) and attempted to leave the room.  Experience shows that I must re-enter and leave about 10 more times before my day is done.....I NEVER get to just walk out and call it good.   Last night my 3yr old wanted water, then the night light reset (because it is on a timer) and then.....well you get my point. Every time he "needs" something else before he settles down to go to sleep, he doesn't realize he is confusing Maddy.  My Madster is always on a ticking clock though.  It is in her best interest, to stay on schedule and minimize the stimulation, because every time she gets off track she has a harder time regaining focus.  Boundaries are very important for her.

Back to last night....

I finally did my 9th "you better got to sleep".  The first few were because my little one had his nightly requests, but the last 6 were because Maddy wouldn't stop blowing raspberries.  She was blowing raspberries on her legs, arms, hands...anything that would create the loudest raspberries possible.  Meanwhile, my little guy started out saying "be quiet Maddy" and by trip 9 he was screaming "BBBEEEEEEE QQUUUIIIIIEEEEETTTTTT  MAAAAADDDDDDDDDDYYYYYY!"  Not a pleasant way to try to end the day.  So, after taking a deep breath and counting to 10, I grabbed my book and book light and headed into the room for what may be a LONG visit. My job at this point is to calm down the toddler, so that the overstimulation and reinforcing that was happening to my Maddy could be diverted to something calmer. 

As I crawl into his bed (much to his approval) I give him a hug and tell him that his job is to be a good role model.  He has to try to remain calm and try to ignore the raspberries.  At this point the sound is so irritating that it has the same feeling as nails on the chalk board......it has reached a "hysteria" kinda level.  I give him another hug and speak in soft whispers about how big he is and how he is a wonderful little brother.  After about 10 minutes the volume level has softened and Maddy is now trying to listen to our conversation.

At this point Franky said "I Love Maddy" but he was so caught up in the emotion that he was feeling that he was almost stuttering trying to find the words.  "I.....I......Love, I Love....M, I Love Maddy Mom".   He then said "I Love her, I miss her when she is at school".  I was rubbing his back as he tried his best to express how much love he has for his sister.

In a family where it would be easy to be lost in the shadows, or feel resentment.....My little guy expressed his most overwhelming love for his life.

THIS is what my Mothering has done.....I have nurtured love, even within frustration. 

I feel blessed.
 

Good Day and Optimism

Yesterday was an amazing day, especially after the week(end) that we had.  It was refreshing to have my kiddos wake up smiling and ready for the day.  Maddy even woke up ready to go...and not her typical "pull the covers back over her head scream session" that we typically get.  Most of the time when it starts out nice, it ends with a bang....isn't there an old saying "in like a lamb out like a lion"?....at our house it is more like, in like a lion out like a roaring lion...lol.

ALL of my kids were happy all day long.  The laughter and smiles were so welcome, that I sat basking in the happiness, trying to soak up every ounce because I never know when the tides will change.

We had a track meet yesterday.  Usually, when planning for a sports outing I have to cover EVERY possible base, just in case things turn bad and I need back up plan A, B or C.  Yesterday I planned for the worst and it worked out for the best :).  Those are rare moments around here.  Someone must have answered my prayers.

I am happy about things today, and these good times give me the energy to see past the recent gray skies, at the ray of sunshine poking its head out.

Being a parent of a special needs child can seem like a long and winding road.  Today though, I am only looking at my feet, taking one step at a time.  It is so much more manageable that way.

Counting My Blessings

You don't choose your family. They are God's gift to you, as you are to them. ~Desmond Tutu

Yesterday pretty much sucked. I think the emotional roller coaster that I felt was just because of the change of "season". The new schools, new moms to meet....new stuff bothers me. I like it much better living in my own little bubble. I know it sounds pretty funny, because if you know me, you are probably shaking your head right now in disagreement. BUT REALLY PEOPLE.....I am a HUGE chicken for new things.

BUT....

THAT WAS YESTERDAY. It is amazing how much things can change in one day. I woke up this morning and I had little reminders about how wonderful things really are! For as much chaos as we have in our day to day life, we are so blessed. I am so blessed. I thought I would share some of my blessings with you.

1. I am blessed to be married to my VERY best friend. We have been married for 10 amazing, wonderful and exciting years. He is a wonderful friend, husband and father. I think back to when we were dating and I can easily see how much we have grown....together. We are two of the same. It really is wonderful. I'm not crazy, we have our moments also....you know the ones I am talking about. The little fights that happen for trivial stuff. The ones that seem like big deals in the moment, but you probably won't remember them in a month. That is NORMAL....but, in the big picture....I am so very blessed to be married to one of the greatest men I have ever had the pleasure to know. He is my husband and best friend.

2. I am blessed to have a brilliant, beautiful and amazing daughter. My little "L" is magnificent. She is kind and understanding. She is patient and persistent. She is smart and beautiful. SHE IS DANGEROUS...LOL. That was the mom in me coming out. I watched her walk up to me the other day, in her casual, no big deal fashion, from across the school yard and I had this weird out of body experience. I looked at her and thought "look at that beauty, wow! When did she get so big?" She has a wisdom about her that amazes me and the time that we spend together is so remarkable. I look into her eyes and feel her passion for life. I listen to her speak and hear her humor and wisdom. I watch her help others when they struggle. I watch her help her sister learn how to play "hide-n-seek" in the cabinets. She is AMAZING and I am so grateful to have her as my daughter. I can not wait to see what life brings her.

3. I am blessed to have the very special and amazing gift from GOD Miss. "M". I watch her bring peace and happiness to EVERY person she meets. I watch her triumph over little challenges that she is faced with daily, but never complain about any of it. I think she is a beacon of light. She is wise and has taught me patience in a way that can not be described. She has taught me not to care about what others may think....it doesn't matter. I look at her and wonder why I was chosen to be the mother of someone so special. SHE is brave and daring, beautiful and modest, kind and patient, determined and happy......I feel honored to be part of her life path.

I AM BLESSED......

The family. We were a strange little band of characters trudging through life sharing diseases and toothpaste, coveting one another's desserts, hiding shampoo, borrowing money, locking each other out of our rooms, inflicting pain and kissing to heal it in the same instant, loving, laughing, defending, and trying to figure out the common thread that bound us all together.

~Erma Bombeck

Miss. Sassy-Pants!

We just started school (well it actually started last week, but today is our first full week). It is amazing to me that I still get chocked up. I'm not exactly sure if i am chocked up because I HATE new things, and starting out a NEW year sends me into turmoil or, is it because I am watching my kids grow up WAY to fast? I absolutely, positively....100% Love my kids and having them with me through the summer and letting go at the beginning of the year is VERY HARD.

So this morning we are starting our routines again. Trying to get back into the swing of things....The wake up at 7am, shower, breakfast, make lunches, brush teeth....then run out the door and join the rat races. We made it as far as breakfast and my quick moving train came to a screeching halt. Maddy decided that she wasn't going to take her medication. This is a little more than the "please take your Motrin because you are running a fever" stuff. Have you ever pleaded with your kids over that grape flavored cold/flu medication? Imagine giving your kids medicine EVERY DAY 2x a day. She takes two of them, they are the medication that controls her seizures. THEY ARE VERY IMPORTANT. She clamped down her lips and wouldn't open her mouth. I tried to pry them open with my fingers, I tired to bribe her with food, I tried to make her laugh, I tried begging.....didn't work. She just looked me right in the eyes and pucked her lips and protested the dreaded medication....Talk about breaking my heart!!! Finally with tears in her eyes, she GAGGED down the meds. UGH....if only it could be easier. Does she understand that if she doesn't take this stuff she will have hundreds of seizure.....how do I teach her with out really letting her experience the effects? Reasoning with a 5yr old just doesn't work. I guess I will continue my quest for yummy things that I can hide it in.......

"It is not until you become a mother that your judgment slowly turns to compassion and understanding." - Erma Bombeck

Markers, Markers, who's got the Markers???

Well, today was a hard day....isn't it amazing how much of a roller coaster life really is? I decided to fight with my oldest ALL day. If she was a teenager I think I could understand it....but she's NOT.

"L" loves to color and today she decided to color me a beautiful card. In the excitement of having some girls come over for a slumber party this weekend, when she was done coloring the card she left the markers on the couch. She ran off to her room to get it ready for the girls that were arriving.

My youngest thought this would be the PERFECT time to kick back on the couch and work on HER artwork....and have a little snack.....and do some body art.......really I didn't think she was going to be the artiest that I found out she is. In a matter of about 5 MINUTES (really doesn't take long in our house for chaos to hit) I walked back in the room to find my beige couches with scribble rainbow marks ALL over them. Green must be her favorite color because she had it ALL over her belly, arms and legs.....her lips were red and blue.....they must have appeared to be the best snack in the house because when I found them she had SUCKED the color out of them and eaten the caps! OMG!!!!!

My poor little "L" got the brunt of my anger. "HOW COULD YOU LEAVE THE MARKERS ON THE COUCH?????" I yelled.......Everyone in our family knows that we NEVER leave markers or crayons within reach of "M"......Now looking back it was an honest mistake on her part. A typical thing for a kid to do....sadly things aren't typical in our house.

I feel bad tonight for my oldest....she really is getting the raw end of the deal. She thinks that her sister gets all of the attention (therapy, meetings, special schools, bus rides...you name it), L gets in trouble for things that are really normal, but could seriously hurt her sister.....they share a room and "L" has to pick up more stuff than "M". The balancing act that we have to do as parents of a special needs child (and typical child) is fragile.......